I have a confession to make to you.
Since the “pandemic” began, I have never been afraid of catching, transmitting or dying from the dreaded virus. I did not believe what we were being told. Not for one moment. What I do trust is my instinct and intuition. I had survived many bouts of viral illnesses, including SARS and meningitis. I hadn’t had a seasonal flu in over 8 years. I have faith that my immune system works. I verified my intuition by checking public health statistics and doing simple maths. Chances of contracting the virus were low. Chances of recovery were extremely high. Risk of death for people like me was virtually nil. But that did not give me immunity to the massive levels of psychologically and psychically induced fear that was spreading faster than the virus.
Suddenly I lived in a world where I was required to self isolate, self suffocate, keep silent, collude with harm, consent to dangerous medical experimentation and the violation of rights and freedoms. I was walking in a medicalized nightmare world where human faces had been replaced by blue screens – the ubiquitous surgical mask. I am an intuitive seer. I read energy as easily as I read the pages of a book. All I could see were horrifying images of fear flickering across the faceless cold blue screens. Fear of death, pain, suffering, confinement, punishment, enslavement, persecution, torture, eternal damnation, annihilation. My own darkest subconscious fears surfaced. Masks and forced medical experimentation triggered my early childhood traumas. It was hell. I dreaded going to work or any public place.
Since March 2020 I have been working part time as a retail sales rep for a small local business in the province of BC. When masked customers began to enter the store, the natural threat response in my body became highly activated. Prior to 2020, a person entering a store with their face covered signaled only one thing – they intended harm. As the clerk behind the counter of a store, that harm would be directed at me. In order to calm the terror response that ripped through my body every time a masked customer entered the store, I would say “you gave me a fright! I just have to ask- you don’t intend to rob the store, do you?” And then I would laugh nervously and apologetically, polite Canadian that I am. But back then, there were still some unmasked customers, so I managed to make it through each day with these more normal interactions.
By autumn 2020, I was shocked again by a dramatic increase in the number of masked customers. What was happening? Why were healthy people choosing to wear medical masks in public places? Were they not aware of the known and documented health and psychological harms of wearing masks? (Go here and here for current testimonies.) Smiling faces became fewer and far between. The BC mask mandates somehow slipped by as “acceptable” public health measures, along with “social distancing” and erratic lockdowns. Everyone seemed to be taking the experimental injections. I was truly horrified. I could not understand why so many people were going along with this. Something was dreadfully wrong. Serious abuses were happening.
To me it was plainly state sanctioned psychological abuse and violation of basic human rights and freedoms that had little to do with “public health” and everything to do with greed and power. When I spoke about what I saw, I was often met with accusations, objections, denial and ridicule. However, I also had a few dear friends who also saw through the propaganda. I would not have been able to face my inner fears without their support.
The only way I managed to get through each work shift was to do conscious deep breathing while masked people were in the store. I was able to regulate my nervous system enough to quell my fear and be civil to the customers. At the end of the day, I went home and cried and screamed to shake off the intense trauma rising up through my system. I managed to grocery shop a few times a month with a scarf wrapped over my face to avoid harassment. “Mask exemptions” were not tolerated. My nervous system was getting a severe beating. I felt anxious and threatened 24/7. There was no place to hide from my deep subconscious fears.
On multiple occasions I was aggressively bullied for not wearing a standard issue “proper mask”. While shopping in a favorite local business, a young staff person accosted me, demanding I put on a proper medical mask or get out of the store. That did it. My entire system flooded with fear. Suddenly I was in a full-on PTSD trauma flashback. I was shaking, stuttering and felt like I was going to pass out. The young woman did not seem to register my genuine distress. I was trembling uncontrollably and managed to stager out of the shop and into the safety of my car.
I sat and breathed while scenes from traumatizing early childhood experiences flashed inside my mind. When I was a toddler, I was sexually molested by a pedophile. His face was covered. When I fought back and screamed, he smothered my face. I was not able to tell my parents. I did not yet have language to describe what happened. The shock of the violation ripped through my little body. I was just learning to walk on my own. The shock manifested as a limp. I was taken to a doctor who feared my limp was caused by rheumatic fever.
I was immediately isolated in a hospital for the longest three days of my life. I was poked, prodded, penetrated and jabbed with needles while tied to the bed with restraints. I often saw doctors and nurses wearing surgical masks. My parents were only permitted to visit during the day. The nights alone, restrained in a bed with bars, were sheer horror. I was finally released after the assault of experiments and tests because the doctors could not find anything wrong with me.
Since 2020, my childhood nightmare had manifested as an external reality of medicalize hell. My inner boogey man was now openly stalking me on the streets. He might be lurking inside any person wearing a mask. He might suddenly leap out from behind a blue surgical mask, grab me, pin me down, suffocate me, impale me with needles, strip me of self autonomy and silence me. And somehow, I was supposed to accept this as “the new normal”. I could not do it.
I told my boss how I felt about masks and why they triggered PTSD. I told her I could not work if I had to wear one. I risked confiding my fears. She responded with empathy and tears. She said she would fully support me in my choices and that if anyone ever gave me a hard time, she had my back. Then I cried. I felt heard, understood and respected. Her response also confirmed to me that real human care is alive and well and angels do live in human bodies. My boss is clearly one. This gave me the fortitude and courage to continue working and face my fears. I trusted that my choice was correct for me and not causing harm to others. I have not worn a mask for a single day of work in the past two years. I have not been sick. I still have an intact natural immune system.
And now I have confided my fear and nightmare to you, dear reader.
I do not seek sympathy or pity, judgement or justice. I do not want heroic acknowledgments, patronizing platitudes, nor propagandized woke-speak lies. I do ask that you shine light into your deepest fears and darkest inner shadows. I ask you to acknowledge that every person has experienced some form of abuse and every person is living intimately with fear. I ask you to listen carefully to what is motivating people to comply or not comply with state sanctioned abuses of human rights and freedoms. I ask that you choose to do no harm, nor consent to inflicting harm upon yourself or others. I ask you to listen to your soul. I ask that you stand with vulnerability for what you know to be true.
I now understand that those early childhood traumatic events also gave me a gift. The states of shock and terror opened my psychic and spiritual abilities at a tender age. I live as a highly sensitive person with multi-dimensional perception. I sense a lot of things that others do not. I know when people are lying. I see shadows and darkness lurking inside the nicest people. I see a glimmer of soul inside those who are abusers and suffering greatly. I also see a natural world of extraordinary beauty, wonder, magic and a universe filled with benevolent guardian spirits. As a person who sees the world very differently, I live among “the small fringe minority”. We have been waiting and watching at the edge of consensus reality. Now it is crumbling. Now our gifts and abilities are needed to illuminate new ways of living together and to help each other become guardians and stewards of this magnificent planet.
Yes, dark forces do exist. For those of us who challenge the authority the dark has had over this planet, we will meet these forces directly. They came for me at a very tender young age. Perhaps they came for you too. These dark experiences prepared us to meet life during these times. The most powerful weapon that the forces of darkness wield is fear. It can crush you and damn you to a state of powerless victimhood and life of drudgery. It can convert your ego to become a follower and instrument of their authority. Or facing fear can initiate you into the eternal truth of faith and love and reconnect you with the sacred inviolable light within you. At some point we each must undergo an underworld initiation and dark night of the soul. We are currently going through a massive collective initiation. Liberation comes when we face our darkest fears. Where fear has no place to hide, we are free.
May you have at least one person who can hear, understand, respect, acknowledge and hold empathy when you tell your stories and speak your truth. It is not easy. We are all being asked to face our fears, feel unacknowledged hurts, heal deep old wounds, listen to painful grievances and give voice to that which has been silent. Together we may find our way through. You are not alone. Faith and love have our backs.
Really well written. I am glad you had a tribe as we like to say. find your tribe is what we shared through this time. masks were interesting indeed, we've (wife and i) spoken endlessly about them in a variety of ways. sometimes it is hard not to go directly to judging those wearing them, other times not so much, as it is good to know their state of mind and motivating energy in such a visible fashion. the tool we use for fear is a fear processing exercise my wife brought to use that handled her intense daily fear that had reached a level that was debilitating. I can share a link to it if you'd like. or you can search fear processing inelia Benz and find it yourself. I appreciate your handling of this, I'm so glad you found a tribe to help you stand in your knowing, and I hope the fear beast has finished its expression to you so that the scenery presented doesn't trigger it so much. it was remarkable to me to navigate this mask thing with others of our tribe, none of which did any of the things mandated or whatever, although a few had the scarf trick up their sleeve to feel less vulnerable. there was an energy it seemed that id call an open door, that allowed the accosting energy in. a defense, righteousness, or like in your case, severe trauma. seems like that energy was amplified and the orchestrations to meet it were multiplied times a hundred. my friend tried walking into three places in a row, wearing no mask as a righteous challenge. well, righteous challenge accepted, lol, and that was pretty illuminating. I only got chased around Costco once in a hide and seek game. I enjoyed the ... just out of sight... and the employee was. ... almost got me ... but I digress. I love your writing, and thanks so much for going to work sans mask, orchestrating a supportive boss, being the light you are less dimmed by the projections of others, and also, visible proof and evidence for those in our tribe of 2.5 billion that you are proof, as are we, that none of it was even partly necessary. it helps each other stay sane when we see and experience sane around us.